Hey. Is there one person on Earth, other than yours truly, gets hurt or gets left out everytime she tries to fit in. IN her OWN FAMILY?
Is there no one perfect timing that my family can get together and have a great time at least once a month? Without ANYONE bothering. Just me, dad, mum, brothers. 6 members of Zakariah's family. Who always laughs away without me. The last time I remembered being together with my family and went out together was years ago. Almost five years ago... This is one moment in life. I want history to repeat itself.
I can't help it. The words my mum sed on the day aft my birthday this year seems to echo in my ear everytime I haf this feeling as if i'm left out and am d only daughter. It hurts to know that you are suppose to have an elder sister but something happened tt killed the fact. Why must she be the one? Why wasn't it me? Why must I live and why must she die? Its NOT FAIR! If only she lived... I can't blame my mum. Everyone makes mistakes. But she could repeat that same mistake WITH ME! Why didn't she? Oh, stop telling me to appreciate life. There's nothing to appreciate when you have friends who care and love you but ur family simply puts u aside. I keep thinking im adopted. But no, DNA test shows I'm not. I am by blood my parent's child. Mistaken child..
In the song Ain't No Meaning by Albert ft Sheerz, Albert's verse realli means alot. It says alot about how I feel in my family. I can't accept the fact. Don't try and make me. Things won't be better for this matter and I know it. Don't even bother to TRY convincing me. It won't work. I'll cry, say I feel better but I still feel the same. Let me save my tears.
Everything seems to fall into place when i'm outside. When I get home, my life just seem like one empty box. Chores all to me. When the clock hits 9.30pm, tts when I'm just in my room. On the phone with Syugah/Fatal/Akeem and imagining myself outside with them talking directly to me and soon falling asleep in their arms when I sleep on my bed with tears on my pillow and pain in my heart. Theres nothing much I can wish for. Wishes don't come true. There's nothing I can hope for. Hopes gets u no where. Theres nuin left fo me to believe in dreams. Dreams are meant for sleeping. I live my life in reality which is simply crazier than yours. Stop thinking you're the one waking up with tearstained cheek.
You don't know and never will know the feeling of a single daughter who is always mistreated by her family and whose elder sister never got a chance to live..never got a chance to see the world thru her own eyes.. I am me. I am my sister. She lives and see the world thru my eyes. She's d only one who understands. Even though I never know what she looks like. Deep inside. I know, she's a beauty of God's greatest creations. Too beautiful for the world to know she exsist. WHY?
xx Serenade
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