Hey. Its sad. Its a realli bad thing to happen in any friendship.
Well, she wanna change. I'm fine with that. I guess. I will be. I accepted her before the way she is.. I'll accept the new her also. I'll just miss her...
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Hey. Is there one person on Earth, other than yours truly, gets hurt or gets left out everytime she tries to fit in. IN her OWN FAMILY?
Is there no one perfect timing that my family can get together and have a great time at least once a month? Without ANYONE bothering. Just me, dad, mum, brothers. 6 members of Zakariah's family. Who always laughs away without me. The last time I remembered being together with my family and went out together was years ago. Almost five years ago... This is one moment in life. I want history to repeat itself.
I can't help it. The words my mum sed on the day aft my birthday this year seems to echo in my ear everytime I haf this feeling as if i'm left out and am d only daughter. It hurts to know that you are suppose to have an elder sister but something happened tt killed the fact. Why must she be the one? Why wasn't it me? Why must I live and why must she die? Its NOT FAIR! If only she lived... I can't blame my mum. Everyone makes mistakes. But she could repeat that same mistake WITH ME! Why didn't she? Oh, stop telling me to appreciate life. There's nothing to appreciate when you have friends who care and love you but ur family simply puts u aside. I keep thinking im adopted. But no, DNA test shows I'm not. I am by blood my parent's child. Mistaken child..
In the song Ain't No Meaning by Albert ft Sheerz, Albert's verse realli means alot. It says alot about how I feel in my family. I can't accept the fact. Don't try and make me. Things won't be better for this matter and I know it. Don't even bother to TRY convincing me. It won't work. I'll cry, say I feel better but I still feel the same. Let me save my tears.
Everything seems to fall into place when i'm outside. When I get home, my life just seem like one empty box. Chores all to me. When the clock hits 9.30pm, tts when I'm just in my room. On the phone with Syugah/Fatal/Akeem and imagining myself outside with them talking directly to me and soon falling asleep in their arms when I sleep on my bed with tears on my pillow and pain in my heart. Theres nothing much I can wish for. Wishes don't come true. There's nothing I can hope for. Hopes gets u no where. Theres nuin left fo me to believe in dreams. Dreams are meant for sleeping. I live my life in reality which is simply crazier than yours. Stop thinking you're the one waking up with tearstained cheek.
You don't know and never will know the feeling of a single daughter who is always mistreated by her family and whose elder sister never got a chance to live..never got a chance to see the world thru her own eyes.. I am me. I am my sister. She lives and see the world thru my eyes. She's d only one who understands. Even though I never know what she looks like. Deep inside. I know, she's a beauty of God's greatest creations. Too beautiful for the world to know she exsist. WHY?
xx Serenade
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Sunday, July 23, 2006
Hey.!! Well well, wanted to update yest after i got back. But was exhausted, so i went to bed. Ok, so.. basically yest, i had my Teenage Icon Semi-Finals yest. It was great fun! Enjoyed myself ALOT! Tho I'm not going to the Finals, so what? I'm happy I made it till the Semis and I'm proud tt i tried my best to perform an upbeat song even tho im sick! Syugah got thru. Happy fo her too. Well, CONGRATS to all the Finalist. Put up a good show at Jurong Point this 20th August ok?? I'm so gon be der screaming fer ya! =) Expect me there aiite. And the crowd was great too. Very happening yest. Thnks Akmal fo cuming. He was d only Primary Sch fren hu came dwn. My sec sch mates cudn't make it. They had CIP till 6pm. Haharrs.
Ok, Fatal, Rezzo, Doc & Akeem was der too. Rezzo made a complete FOOL of himself from wad i heard from Fatal. haha.!! "boy.. u hafta push" LOLs! Had great fun larh yest. Firstly, i was worried tt Syugah wud get disqualified bcz she's late fo hair and make-up thingy. but she made it in time. Secondly, Syugah arrived in a depressed state. Asrizal the bustard sed sum shit to her. How cud hE!? That bLo0dy *&$#@^ . If i ever see him by the streets, his face will taste Serenade's plam! No one hurts my cyg the way he did. What a pathetic underage no class act! PLus, it was thru d fon! Be a man c'mon! Grandmother tooter. So, I made Syugah believed that she can get over this moron and make another half of her day a better one. And she stand corrected. Lastly, the semi-finalist were so friendly tt i mingled like as if i've known em fo years!
After the whole event, the semi finalist got a goodie bag containing eye liner, converse sling bag and an imation waterbottle. It was indeed a tiring but happening day yesterday.
And this week is not gon be a simple one. I'm super BUSY! haha. Monday, i hafta report to the teachers after sch and explain my reason for getting suspended on Friday. Tuesday, getting home early to follow Mummy to Johor to collect a book and smuggle sum DVDs. Wednesday, going for recording with Syugah & Albert at Pasir Ris. Thursday, going to make IC at Lavender. Friday, may be mtng Syugah. Saturday, mtng Akeem and attending Speakeasy. Sunday, is d only day I'M FREE!! HAHA! well, i better get sum rest now. I'm sick ardy. & I cnt afford to cancel any appointment this week. All very important! hehee. You guys tekaiire aiite. ;) i miss ram0na lotss!
And.. here cums a fact. I'm attached with Akeem! Nyahakss. ;) yes yes.
xx Serenade SHEERZ
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Hey all! Here on the update. Please make an effort to come down to support 2/3 of SHEERZ SISERS; Serenade Sheerz, ME! & Syugah Sheerz at the Teenage Icons Semi-Finals down at Bukit Panjang Plaza, Garden Plaza at 5pm! Bring down your friends too! Come and support please!!
Love,
Serenade xx
See you there luv. ;)
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Saturday, July 08, 2006
My first post on my first day bein fiftEEn
Gotta learn to be nice and stop bein mean
Things change from the way it usta be
Gotta know the girl thats inside of me
Don't you think i'm gona make a sudden change
I'm still gon be me, still gon be the same
Thnks to those who stood by me, you were always there fo me
Now i'm gon love ya'll straight till eternity
Believe me, trust me, be by my side
Cause if things take a fall, im gon make it alright
Please stop tellin me who I shud be
Its my life, my reality, my fantasy
Understand me and you'll know my destiny
I know I can't change the past,
But wadever happens I'm here to last
History is there, because of me and
My future will be how i want it to be
xx SERENADE, 15
o9o7o6 =)
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Friday, July 07, 2006
Baby I swear my love is true
Baby I swear I’m so in love with you
I’ll make you realize
I’m the one you need, I’ll be here by your side
Erday Ernight dreaming of you
When times get rough I will be down for you
Baby you blow my mind
Your vibe & sexy style, b you’re one of a kind
Words are spreading & here I’m dreaming
Bout the way I want us to be
Love me, hold me, kiss me baby
That’s the way its meant to be
3 months passed and I’m still feeling
The feeling I had before
Feel me baby, as I sing to the melody
I hate you reluctantly
Baby I swear my love is true
Baby I swear I’m so in love with you
I’ll make you realize
I’m the one you need, I’ll be here by your side
Erday Ernight dreaming of you
When times get rough I will be down for you
Baby you blow my mind
Your vibe & sexy style, b you’re one of a kind
Tell me a story, I’ll sing you a song
Telling you my love is strong
I’ll be there for you, like an angel by you
When something goes wrong
Cause in times of need
You’re always there for me
And I love you oh so dearly
Straight from my heart, right from the start
And till now I never wanna part
Baby I swear my love is true
Baby I swear I’m so in love with you
I’ll make you realize
I’m the one you need, I’ll be here by your side
Erday Ernight dreaming of you
When times get rough I will be down for you
Baby you blow my mind
Your vibe & sexy style, b you’re one of a kind
Only in my dreams
that you are in my arms.
Only when I sleep
I feel that you are mine.
Only in a wish
that i can hold your hand,
Hoping one day, you’ll truly understand
. " dedicated to HIRM and my bezfren hu has a huge crush on sumone .
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Haluhh. Here's an update.
Well, unfortunately..things haven't been looking up for my last week being f0urteen.
The whole week was a fiasco. Started out on Sunday. Unfortunately.
Sumone did smth he/she wasn't suppose to do. Things back fired and then he/she regretted his/her actions because now, erthing seems to fall apart for him/her.
As I try my very best to convince him/her tt things are gon be aiite. He/She simply doesn't listen. So, tts one thing tt has been happening. And still is happenning. Tomorrow, i'll be with my cool dudes and lovely dudettes; celebrating my bdae eve! Haha.
The other thing tts been happenning and I don't like it.. Is.. of course none other than the hot hot guy i always talk about when family issues are brought up. MY INFAMOUS 17-YEAR-OLD BROTHER, KHALIL. Yepps. He jus don't understand what his family is going thru just for him and I don't see the reason why. I do wanna have fun too. I do wanna chill around. I do wanna be with my friends all nite long if i could. I do wanna be free. But in life, we gotta simply be who we are. We have to do something tt we believe we can strive not do something bcz we like doing it. My brother, a devil trapped in a young man's body. An innocent teenager, trapped in a devil soul's. Urgh! If only I could carry out excorsim on him. HAHA! CRAP!
Well, nuff said bout tt guy. Now, I wan things in life to work out. It takes time. But..I'm gon spend my time like as if its the last second i'll ever breathe. U never know when you're gon die. I'm turning 15 on Sunday. I'll be leaving my 2nd Stage of life. 14years has passed. Experience are experience. Memories will be cherished. Bygons are bygons. I'm learning to walk on my own. Learning to face reality and leave behind my fantasy. Trying to accept that I AM MY OWN DESTINY...
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Saturday, July 01, 2006
Hey!
Hrrm, now I've got weekend broadband. So, it's easier to update and all.
Lets just start with 'what happened today'...
Woke up early, went fo Ngaji at CCK. Then, returned home with my lil brothers. Around 2.30pm, made my way to Somerset to meet Akeem. We watched Superman Returns! LOLs. But nice lahh the show.. Not bad. Very pain my ear, the sound effect! LOLs.
Then, after the show, met up with Fatal & Firwan. Tepranjat beruk ku Firwan ader!! Goodness! I almost loss concious wen I saw his face wen I exitted the ladies. But, I told myself to act normal. Well, i am normal.
Then, the funny thing is..We went to Esplanade. After the great time I had earlier on in the day. Things have to get rooky. Life is a bitch. Life wudn't be a bitch, if Life tried. haha! Hrrmm, ok. We went to esplanade..Then proceeded to the roof top. Firwan met his friend. *im green*
and from the top, I saw my elder brother! What the hell was he doin der?! He sed he'll be at Clementi the whole day! But he was at Esp, with his friends. So, i did something I shudn't do. I called him. I told him I saw him and he wanted to hang ard with me. Of cz, i tried to ask him to head home. BUt he sed he has sum issues to settle. His friend was beaten up and he wants to 'help'. I cudnt help my tears, I went bonkers. I was filled with grieve, anger, the air of melancholy didn't give me a break. I was mixed up. Fatal, Firwan & Akeem was there. I gave that -so-what-attitude- which I know I shudnt have. *stoopid me*
I was hoping Syugah to arrive that instant but hope was lost. It took another 30mins to dread b4 she arrived with Doc. Doc and the guys talked while I poured out to Syugah. I cried.
How can my brother be blinded by the lights his family has shined on him eversince he was a baby? Why can't he turn over a new leaf and realise what is wrong and what is right?
Thanks to him, I'm afraid to trust a guy..
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